Inspirational Letter | A Letter to My Child | LGBTQ – A Note to My Kid

A Note from Ken to His Grandfather (Kalamazoo, MI)

Dear Grandfather,

You are one of the most amazing people in my life, and I don't know where to begin without simply saying thank you. 

In our small, rural town of less than 2,000 people we were a clan with you as our patriarch.  Mom and dad bought the house across the street from you and grandma, while Uncle Jack and Aunt Sue bought the home three-doors down.

As a child, I remember you taught me to stop and look both ways before I crossed the street.  I was in always in a hurry.  I wanted grandma's homemade apple pie, to sneak a Werther's Original together before dinner without grandma knowing or to hear story-after-story about your childhood. 

Looking back, my favorite stories were actually life lessons that you wanted to instill in me without my knowing.  To name a few, you told me about selling papers door-to-door for pennies, helping your parents on the farm, uncle Jack's service in Vietnam and how you courted Grandma back when you two were in high school.  I could go into great detail on each of your stories, and what each has taught me, but I want to focus on the one that means the most to me: you and grandma.  The two of you have been together for more than 60 years emanating nothing but unconditional love for one  another.  That love continues to be intertwined among our entire family.

I can't look back and recollect a single moment where I didn't feel loved by you or anyone in the family.  When I was in preschool you retired and became a school bus driver so you could be there to pick Hope and me up from school.  You saved all the money you made from being a school bus driver to take us on our first vacation to none other than Disneyworld!  I was about eight years old and it was the first time I could remember leaving rural farm land.  I remember being most fascinated by the Disney monorail that shuttled people from the parking lot to the amusement park.  It was a futuristic train unlike the freight rails that came through our town.

You also spent your extra money trying to provide small odds and ends we could not otherwise afford.  You turned a supermarket end display into a five floor Barbie house for Hope.  She didn't want to share it with me, but you made her.  I vaguely remember this being an issue in the family because I “should have” been playing with GI Joes.  I didn't want anything to do with those GI Joes and you didn't care either.  I still got my fix of "boyish" things like playing the used drum set you bought and refurbished for me; baiting hooks with live worms at the cabin every summer and crafting Pinewood Derby Cars with dad in your basement.

During the majority of my youth I didn't truly gasp what being gay meant.  I can't even recall the word being in my vocabulary.  We rarely watched television, our internet was set at 32K dial-up, my student peers capped out at 64 and being gay had no place in our predominately conservative, religious community.

I do remember always being attracted to other boys.  In the 1^st grade I taped photos of guys in magazines up in my bedroom.  In the 2^nd grade I ran from girls that were interested in me.  In 4^th grade I told a boy I liked him.  The latter incident spread like wildfire through my small school and I was left thinking that my feelings were not ok.

One of the biggest turning points of my life came during freshman year of high school.  I had my first "girlfriend," although I refused to kiss her or even hold her hand.  At Thanksgiving dinner you announced to the entire clan, including our extend family, that you were "…happy that I had my first girlfriend because you thought I was gay."  The room went silent.  You weren't finished, though.  You continued with, "But if you were gay, it wouldn't matter.  We all would love you no matter what." 

Skip ahead to college when I was submerged on a campus of 25,000 undergrads. It was there that I finally started coming to grasp with being gay.  I dropped out of school from anxiety and depression my second year.  You knew something was wrong and that's when I told you I was gay.  I thought my world was going to end by verbalizing those words, and you only cared about me getting back in school and being happy regardless of what gender I found attractive.

Now that I am out in San Diego you continue to be a pillar for me to lean on.  When we Skype on Saturday mornings you ask me how I'm doing at work; if I'm making friends; whether I am lonely.  You end every video call reminding me that you love me. 

Throughout my life you taught me many things that have helped me become who I am today.  As you recently said when we video chatted, "You look like you're getting old.  I'll have to start calling you a man now and not my little boy." 

Well, grandpa, your little boy has become a man, and he’s embarking on making a positive change.  I love you and thank you for everything you have done for me.

 

A Note to Timothy from Mom

To my son, Timothy …

Thank you for helping me to take down my white picket fence! I have learned so much about the God that I love deeply, through you!

You are the light of my life and the dream of every mother! I’m so thankful that God gave you to me! You are perfect, in every way, just the way you are!

I love you to the Moon & Back!

A Note from Jason Willis About A Note To My Kid (Abingdon, Virginia)

I am a PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) president of a small, young, rural chapter in Virginia. I was recently talking to a guest speaker, also a PFLAGer, about resources for members. I brought up A Note To My Kid. He had not heard of you, so I explained what the organization is about, and how I feel about it.  Afterwards, he said, "Why don't you write that as a note?" and here we are, my note to ANTMK.

A Note To My Kid is young, but it's growing in awareness and participation at an incredible rate, due primarily to its simple goal of providing a place for someone with an LGBT loved one to write a note of unconditional love for their loved one. ANTMK has no agenda. They aren't trying to sell you something. It's pure and sincere and beautiful.

You see, I was lucky. My parents, while concerned at first, are very supportive of me now. My dad, whom I told later that I am gay, didn't pretend to understand or agree but concluded our conversation by saying,"You're my son, no matter what. I love you, no matter what." And we've only grown closer since then.

Yet despite the support and love of family and friends, with all the news of the decline of humanity: murder, war, genocide, Rick Santorum and Westboro picketing, as well as the tragedies of gay youth committing suicide and politics becoming more and more divisive, it's easy to become overwhelmed and jaded. It's easy to lose hope.

Still, I find myself reading these honest, pure letters. They're written by normal people, with no motive other than to show love--unconditional love. They inspire. They encourage. They let me know humanity is still worth fighting for, that it's not so screwed up as to just wash your hands of it and say to hell with the lot of us. That's the true power of these notes. They're glimpses into what makes us worthy as a whole, proof positive that despite our downfalls, we--humanity--can be better, and we can make our world better, a world full of more love... And who could complain about that?

So that's my story. I love this organization, because it gives me hope. I love these notes, because they give me courage. And I encourage everyone to write a note. To those reading them, it may seem like just a letter to you but to someone else these letters are the hope and justification to be the best we can be. So stop reading...Listen to your heart, and write a note.

A Note to Megan from Mom (Sacramento, California)

(From left to right: Charisma Riley, Meg and Charisma's wife, Anastacia)

Dear Megan,

You are a blessing in my life and always will be. I love watching you grow and learn and become who you are. I am grateful to be your mother and that you teach me new things every day.

You have had a lot of challenges in your short span of time so far and your dad and I continue to be amazed at how much we can do, endure and handle. But we absolutely could not have handled all of it without the support of your “village” You have an awesome village and I am proud of the ways in which I have helped to establish it.

The two most involved, most hands-on people in your village are your Ama and your Dauntie. Your “other moms”. They have diapered you and rocked you and let you punch them in the face. They have agonized over every hospitalization, every infection, every procedure. They have dosed out your medicines and monitored your input and output. They have bought you the cutest clothes. They have invested a lot of time in you already and I know they will be there for you the rest of their lives.

I LOVE the fact that you will grow up knowing that love is what makes a family and that sexual orientation is just one more aspect of a person, like the color of their hair or their favorite song. That you will hopefully have years of blissful ignorance about the kind of prejudice and discrimination that exists in our world. That you will grow up knowing, like I did, that “these people” are just people.

I hope you end up having the kind of optimism that I generally have, the belief that most people are good and willing to be good. I hope you end up with values like, “our differences make us stronger, make us better” and “our diversity is to be embraced”. I will do my utmost to instill that in you.

So thank you to you for coming into my life and thank you to your village, especially these two ladies, and thank you to this site where I can document my love for all of it amidst an ocean of positivity.

- Savanna

A Note to My Mom and All Moms in the Adjustment Phase from Sean (Montana)

I knew it wouldn't be easy, I knew it wouldn't be one of those Hollywood moments where we all come together and hug like we are some sort of Brady Bunch family. I knew it wouldn't be easy for me, but most of all I knew it wouldn't be easy for you. Initially, we all took some space, some other members of the family are still sitting in that space; but that's not the point. You came around. A part of me always told myself that I wouldn't expect or need you too, but I am glad you did.

There will be hurdles to come, but with time those adjustments will come too. We can finally openly talk about the guy I have been dating, although me making remarks about the cute guy across the restaurant still catch you off guard every now and then; you quickly take a step back and as if processing, understand and reiterate in your head that this is my son, and I love him and who he is...and then we continue on. You (and little sis) are my biggest allies and friends, almost like a shield against the rest of our family dynamics. Without you I am certain I would make it just fine in this journey they cynically call life, but I can assure you the road would be much more lonely.

To all you moms out there in the adjustment phase. This seems counter-logical, but take a bit of time to adjust. Your understanding and acceptance through a logical progression of thought is much more beneficial to your relationship than a fake exterior of acceptance. To aid you, remember they are your kid, being gay (or for that matter, straight) does not fully define who they are but is merely a part of that descriptor. They are the same kid whom you loved sending off to kindergarden that first time, you still love them now just the same. Believe me, that's the love they need now.

A Note to Jenn from Her Mom & Dad (Columbia, South Carolina)

Dear Jenn,

I first thought about being a mother with a gay/lesbian child before I was even married.  I saw a show with Mary Tyler Moore as the mother, who found out that she had a gay son.  She did not take it well, and refused to see her son at first, and then when she did see him, she would not acknowledge that he was gay, or accept his the person he loved.  I decided at that young age (probably around 18), that if my kid ever told me they were gay/lesbian/bi-sexual or transgender, they would still be the same child that I knew and loved the day before, and NOTHING could ever change that.

I was really shocked when you told us you were gay.  Not because you were gay, but because you asked us if we were going to throw you out!!!  What a question!!!  You are loved and accepted for being the wonderful person you have always been.  You are loved completely by us and by everyone in our family.  Of course, my only concern is that it make your life more difficult.  But, I remember our first conversation about it when you were only 16.  You said that you figured you had only 2 choices, you could kill yourself, or you could accept who you are and make the best life possible.  Your Dad and I are so very proud that you decided to accept yourself, and love yourself for who you are.  It broke our hearts to see what a tough time you had in High School, but you went to both of your proms dressed in a tuxedo with a female date (and 2 female dates for your senior prom).  In the state where we live, that takes real courage.  You were taunted and teased unmercifully when you were in High School, and some of those kids have actually come up to you and apologized for the way they treated you.  So, yes, things have gotten better as you have gotten older, and for the most part the younger generation (once you get outside of the microcosm of high school) does not seem to care about sexual orientation one way or the other.  And, I have to say that Ellen DeGeneres has gone a long way towards acceptance of LGBTs, and she has brought the subject of bullying to light.  It appears that more and more people are buying into the unacceptability of bullying, because of Ellen.  A lot of young people have taken their own lives because they feel as if life is not worth living as who they are, and the cruelty and bullying has just gotten to be too much.  Ellen has also shown the world that it the person that counts, not the sexual orientation.  She is an inspiration to LGBT's and parents around the world, and is a a shining beacon of love and light.

Your life has not, and will not always be easy, but we truly admire your courage and spirit.  You refuse to hide behind a closet door, and we do not hide who you are.  We will never be ashamed of you, as I am sure you have no doubt.  We have attended every Gay Pride Day, to watch your performances for the last several years.  We even got to ride on a float one year!!!  We show up at Gay clubs where you are performing drag, or doing standup, and unfortunately, we are usually the only parents there.  All of our friends know that you are a lesbian, and that we love and support you.  We don't love you in spite of your sexual preference, we love you, rightly, for who you are!!! We also celebrate the fact that you are smart enough to know that you are who God intended you to be, and that you have the courage to be true to yourself. 

We were at a Lesbian club one night, when you were the DJ for Karoke.  You and I sang a song together, and afterwards a young woman ran up and hugged me.  She told me that she had a 7 year old child that her mother has never seen, and she was so happy to actually see parents who loved their child for who they are.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???  Gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender, these are still your children, and they deserved to be accepted and loved.  Some people say it is choice, but what teenager is going to make a choice which will make them different, when all teenagers long to feel that they belong.  These children are being subjected to unimaginable cruelty, and bullying, and it is a crying shame when they don't have parents who love and support them.  Your Dad and have been having Gay kids parties for years, and quite frankly, I believe a lot of your friends wish they had loving, caring parents like you do.  It a shame, and one that those parents will regret sooner or later.

Now, on the week of your 33rd birthday, we just want to say that we love you and are proud of you for being the person you are.  You have been doing stand up comedy since you were 14, and despite your ADD, you have persevered in pursuing your life long dream of being a professional stand-up comic.  You are well known in the gay community in our town, and you are on your way to going to New York to make your dream come true.  You are a very funny and talented comedian, and you have the support of the people who know and love you.  This is your chance to shine and to be able to live your life on your terms as a stand-up comedian.  Of course we may be a bit predjudiced, but we think you are awesome, and we think everyone else will think so too.  So Happy Birthday to our wonderful daughter Jenn, and as always we love you and are behind you 100%.

Love,

Mom & Dad

A Note to Their Four Kids from Mommy & Daddy

To 4 Beautiful kids:

Everyday I thank God for the chance to be a part of your lives.  And let me tell you what kind of strength he has given me to wrangle you kids around.  :D  You may not be very old, or even know what you want to do with your life, but I want you to know something now.  In the next 10, 15, 20 yrs, we'll find out just what you are capable of.  I want you to know that no matter what you do with your life, I will always accept you.  Mommy has had a rough road to getting back on her feet.  And trust me, it can only get better from here.  You can do anything, be anything, and overcome anything. 

Bug, with your ADHD, kindergarten is going to be a challenge.  But you are a strong willed little girl, and I pray you never lose the will to show people that you can do it! 

CJ, you have many behavioral issues we are working on, but you know, you are very creative.  I hope to soon see just how far that creativity takes you. 

Lily pad, even for your age, you are so smart.  And you impress me everyday with your ability to understand things that I never thought you could.  Soon, you will be helping friends, and even your brother and sisters get through things that are just too tough to bare. 

And finally "Tatter tot",  you my little one are the most precious of all.  Allergic to so much, and still so little.  We are just glad that we have been blessed with your life.  Nearly losing you at birth really upset Daddy and I.  We couldn't imagine our lives without  you.  You may be small, but God has big plans for you.

You all mean so much to me, and no decision in your lives could ever change the love I feel for you.  We're a family, we love each other more then words could ever say.  Please remember that mom and dad are looking out for you.  We've been there, we've done that.  And even though we know we can't always tell you what not to do, we can always be there to catch you when you fall.

Love,

Mommy and Dadddy

A Note to Kaedee from Mom

(Kaedee - Halloween 2011)

To Kaedee, formerly Katie:

You were unique from the moment you joined us. We had hopes and dreams for our baby-to-be, only to be told you’d suffered severe oxygen deprivation at birth. But together we fought, we learned what we needed to know, and today you’re our star A student, beautiful and perfect in every way. You have scars and a couple of challenges, but you’re still perfect as far as I’m concerned.

When you came out to us, the only thing that surprised me was how shaken I was. I’ve had tons of gay friends, still do, and thought having a gay child would not be a big deal. And it wasn’t – it didn’t change how I loved you, how I saw you, how I felt about you. But it did scare me.

Now, all of a sudden, you were vulnerable again, just like that baby in the ICU. We live in a part of the country where people say the most horrendous things about homosexuals, and I worried that you’d be hurt. Physically. Emotionally. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

I can’t call someone and get help. I can’t read books and learn what to do and do it to make things better. You have to travel this road alone for the rest of your life. There will always be people who hate you for who they want you to be, not who you are. People who don’t bother to know all your wonderfulness because of this one thing. Some of them will be so hurtful, and there’s nothing I can do.

So I was shaken. Had to figure out how to handle it. Not sure who is safe to confide in, so I can’t tell a friend for support. Don’t know how to find out if you’re being bullied, or hurt, or whatever, you’re too proud to tell me. I want you to have all the things I have always wanted for you – the warmth of good friends, the love and acceptance of that special someone, the unbounded love and joy that is children. And I worry that those things will be harder for you to find than if you were straight.

The dating pool is a little slim here, everyone being in the closet around here, so I worry that you won’t have those formative relationships we all have when we’re young that help us learn about choosing partners. If you manage to find someone to love for life, you can’t get married in this state. Children will be complicated, especially if you aren’t married. Maybe you won’t even want children. That would sadden me, straight or gay.

I know you will find a way to navigate all this, with the grace and style that God gave you. I’m not as scared now, you seem to have a good handle on who should know, who knows but just doesn’t want to acknowledge, and who needs to be kept in the dark. I discovered that you’d show me the way to do this, and that I could trust you to know yourself.

Thank you for coming out to us, and sharing your true self. Thank you for trusting us to continue to love you. Thank you for leading us through the thicket of prejudice.

We will do everything we can to help you find a full and authentic life. If it means sending you a thousand miles away to a community that will not revile you but welcome you. If it means understanding that raising children is just not your thing (though your father told me he didn’t want kids either when we first met...). If it means all I can do is wrap you in my arms and tell you I love you every day.

If all I can do is write you a letter. I’ll do it.

Because I love you.

Mom

A Note to Justin from His Mom on His 21st Birthday (Elk Grove, CA)

Dear Justin,

How does a parent begin to tell the world of the gift their child is to them, especially now in these controversial times when our world is so polarized by something that is so intrinsically tied to who you are?  You are almost 21 now and yes, you are my only son and you are gay.  Are you a gift to me anyway, in spite of the fact that you are gay?  Or is the fact that you are gay, another gift on top of the first one?  I am here to tell you and the rest of the world that it is the latter.

I wouldn't have known when you came back from the first day of preschool at the age of four, declaring yourself married to a little girl that this is where we would end up.  I believe your exact words when I asked you about it were, "She took me her husband and I took her my wife".  Even then your vocabulary and your intelligence were a portend of things to come.  What I didn't see coming was that 13 years later we would be on the beach near Santa Cruz at sunset and you would be grasping my hands with all your might, tears running down your face as your beautiful brown soulful eyes searched mine while you spoke those fateful words, "I'm gay."  I told you then and I will say it again now.  Justin, God made you perfect and whole.  Those words have been backed by not only your father but my mother and all our family and we mean it.

You'd have thought years of hairdressing and being with gay friends might have given me clues.  You'd have thought that when you loved watching "As Time Goes By" on PBS or "Martha Stewart" with me as a child and the fact that you were always clean and had great taste that it might have tipped me off, but no it really didn't.  I simply thought I was the luckiest mom in the world and that you were special.

It turns out that those things were true.  It also turned out that you were gay.

I always told people that having children gave someone the opportunity to be a better person than they ever imagined themselves to be.   Justin, this is where the gift comes in.  This is where I get to step up.  Here is the opportunity where I get to take a stand and not straddle that ambiguous moral line, not caring enough one way or another to make a difference, or kind of caring and just hoping "It gets better" for LGBT people out there. . .maybe even friends I know.  This is where I get to care enough, care so much that I would die to defend you.  This is where I get to look a client in the face who has told me that "all gay people have been molested" and with tears running down my face, let them know that my son is gay and no, he wasn't molested, he was born that way.  I get to, no I HAVE to speak up.  I am now a part of the next civil rights issue that our country must address in our continuing progress towards fulfilling the promise of our founding fathers.  It is the right spiritual and political choice for me and if not for you, Justin, I might not have the courage or the inclination to care enough to have chosen a side.  They say all it takes for evil to exist is for good people to do nothing.  I won't do nothing Justin and I am there because of you.

People can wonder if I love you "in spite of the fact that you are gay."  Ha!  Are you kidding me?  I love you and I feel like I have hit the Lotto! You are my only child, brilliant and handsome, compassionate and spiritual  and set on a career of public service.  Will I be sad that I will be the only woman in your life?  I think I can live with that.  I wouldn't give up the close relationship we have for anything.  I look forward to the day that you and your future husband, whoever he is, ring me up to tell me that you are planning a family and I get to remind you that children are a gift because they give you the opportunity to be more, so much more than you ever could be by yourself.  I look forward to seeing the light of love shine in your eyes for your own child like I know mine shine for you.

Because of you, I am more.  Because of you, I chose a side with my whole heart and soul and the world and I am better for it.  You were born that way and I love you for it.  I wouldn't change a thing.

All my love,
Mom

A Note to All of Us from a 16-Year-Old Girl

I remember being curious, and I know I am still, but that's besides the point because something I realized while going through the motions of my life was how amazing and quite disappointing people can be.

As I'm sure many of you know and have lived through, people have lost interest in the commonality of man, the way that we as beings share one goal and that is to be loved and to love.

Furthermore the integrity of love has been unintentionally forgotten. Why? Well what do I know? I'm just sixteen. But I won't give up and have yet to let those words slip past my lips about loving anyone, even those who have broken my heart.

So hear this you wonderful you, as far as my heart is concerned I am content, more so over joyed in sharing this world with you, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender (you interest me the most in my naive nature), and straight. Frankly, I have aspired to emulate the strength that you radiate and the roles in society that you play.

While those closed, narrow minded, confused, flustered, anal (pardon the vulgarity) people out there put their nose in everything and ruin the freedom of those around them and tighten their rusty iron wrought bars of their forever caged hearts, I say, I believe, I tell you that where there is hope, there is a young girl ever fascinated by people, hated or put on a pedestal for their notoriety, who is waiting to see what you do.

I'm waiting to see what your hearts are like full force.
I'm waiting to see your world annexed into the world and no longer hated.
I'm waiting for the boneheads to grow up and embrace love.

But what I am doing is standing up for you, making sure I never use the word Faggot, or Gay or even the term "No homo" in the vain, heartlessly arrogant way of the people who surround me because it's unfair, unjust and damn it, you are people and I don't care what others think about your sexual orientation. Love who you love.

Dear you with the mask on, your parade would be so much more beautiful if we got to see the real you.

Sincerely,
A girl with a glimmer in her eyes for you.