From the moment I found out I was having you, you became the center of my world. As you were growing up, I would be hit at random moments with realizations about how much I loved you, and how proud I was of you.
Your life hasn't always been sunshine and roses. Your father and I separated when you were 10, and you were having a very hard time coming to terms with such a confusing situation. Then, if that weren't hard enough, I chose to come out as a Lesbian. It was a rough road for a while between us kiddo. You spent your time angry with me, not wanting to live with me, and some days, down right hating me. I spent my days worrying about the damage I caused you, worried how the kids at school would treat you, and worried that you would be ashamed of me. That was a tough period for both of us. But we are fortunate. We got to the other side. We healed. Together.
There are moments from the past few years that come to mind, and still flood me with overwhelming love for you....Your slumber party, when I said that if you wanted, I would have my partner stay at her house so your friends wouldn't give you a hard time....and your response was..."I don't care who knows you're gay, if they don't like it, they don't need to come."
Times you came home from school and told me of kids who made fun of you because of me, how you held your head up and said that THEY were the ignorant ones.
Every moment you've defended me,
Every moment you defend your friends who are LGBT,
Every moment you speak out against hate, bias, discrimination.....
You know how proud I am of you...I try to tell you every possible opportunity...but there is something you don't know.
I've always known I was different. As I became an adult, I realized I was gay. And it took so long for me to come out, because I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I couldn't just be "straight." I was ashamed of what being gay meant, for me, for my family, for my children. I was ashamed that my being gay would make YOUR life harder. Before coming out, and for a long time after, I was ashamed of who I was.
But you...my beautiful, smart, funny Jordyn. YOU showed me that I shouldn't be ashamed. And you didn't even realize you were doing it. You never hid who I was, from anyone. Even when I suggested that maybe you shouldn't tell people right away about me. You have defended me, who I am, from other kids at school, your friends, even some of your family. You have never once hesitated in standing up for me, and others who are discriminated against.
You aren't quite 17 yet, but already you are a force to be reckoned with! By being who you are, by having such an open heart and mind, by caring so deeply about others and having such a strong sense of fairness...you have caused me in turn, to no longer be ashamed, but to be proud of who I am. I am happy in my skin, because of you and your example. So thank you. I wish every Lesbian mother had a Jordyn.